Wednesday, 25 February 2009
Tuesday, 24 February 2009
Sunday, 22 February 2009
Monday, 16 February 2009
Friday, 13 February 2009
My car is going to cost £400 to fix which seems reasonable enough. Was looking to scrap it if it cost £500 plus so looks like I'll be keeping it for the time being.
Where I work we operate a four day shift pattern with only a skeleton staff on a Friday. No one who is working today lives anywhere near me so I've taken a day off. God I'm bored.
Spent the last hour reading everyones blogs and now I'm off into Cardiff to buy my Missus something for Valentines day. Anyone know where you can get a King Cobra in Cardiff?
Every blog seems to mention Paris at the moment. Don't know why because I don't even like the place. When I first started going out with my Wife, Wales were playing France on Valentines day in Paris. There was a crew of us going for a mates stag weekend. My missus asked what I was doing on the Saturday and I innocently said "I'll be in Paris". She took this the wrong way and thought I was taking her there. On the Thursday she rang me and asked when the flight was and I said we're going in the morning. Then she asked me when I was picking her up and the penny dropped. As I was explaining to her that I was going with the boys I could visualise the shock and horror on her face. Fully expected her to dump me when I returned but she went one better and exacted the perfect revenge. She married me and I've been paying for it ever since.
My mate from back home told me the best Valentines day story. He's a good looking bastard and I swear he's had more women than Ron Jeremy. A few years back he was dating this stunning girl called Cheryl. He gets home from work and she's sitting there glaring at him. She nods towards the dining table and says "you've had some post".
On the table were twelve cards, obviously all Valentine day cards and has she had giving him a card before he went to work he knew none were from her. He tried to laugh it off and said he'd open them later but she insisted that he open them now. The first card was the classic "what do you give the man who has everything" but the last two words had been altered in pen to "had everyone". Inside were two words - Cheryl Davies. She failed to see the funny side of it and he was back at his Mothers in time for Tea.
Funniest Valentines Day I had was about four years ago. My missus and I went to this Chinese in Cardiff which is superb. When we got there there it was quite quiet with only about five other couples there. We sat down in a booth and there was another couple across the aisle from us. Our main course had just arrived when this woman walks in with two kids about seven and five, She walks up to this guy and says ""here's your Father with his new slut mistress". My wife and I sat there looking at each other, mouths wide open. This woman then starts berating this guy and slut mistress, who obviously had no idea her date was married with kids, gets up and is physically sick on the floor as she runs to the toilet crying her eyes out. Both kids are now in tears as well and finally the owner walks over and asks the woman to leave. She storms off, kids in tow and slut mistress comes back, mascara everywhere, slaps the guy across the face and leaves. The guy stands up to go and my missus asks him if he's finished with the champagne and if so can we have it. As the guy walks out the whole restaurant bursts out laughing. Fair play to Mrs Rubbish, she does have a sense of humour.
Hope you all have a great Valentines Day, myself, I'm going to watch Wales v England at the Millennium Stadium. Wonder what Mrs Rubbish' sense of humour is going to be like when I tell her.
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
Internet is playing up and doing my head in. Cannot run internet explorer at all for God knows what reason. Can use Mozilla Fireox but cannot play poker as it says internet explorer isn't running? Also cannot play videos because I haven't got flash player yet I cannot download it without turning off Firefox??
Extremely pissed off at the moment. On top of all this crap my car looks pretty shagged and I'll probably have to buy another one.
And Wales have just lost to Poland to top it all off.
Can't even think of anything interesting to say.
If anyone is having the same problems and knows what to do can you leave a comment before I kick shit out of the cats.
Monday, 9 February 2009
Today, my fucking car blew up. The cam belt has gone and it's going to cost an arm and a leg to repair. Worse still I now haven't got enough cash in my account to buy something else. And if that's not bad enough I now can't go to Paris to watch the Rugby if I repair it. And fuck me if where I work isn't so remote there isn't even a bus route that goes within a mile of the place. I swear my luck is poxed.
I was also hoping to be able to deposit some proper cash into a few Poker sites by the end of the month but that's now on the backburner as well.
I guess it's quite ironic how you can have several grand tied up in an account you can't touch and now have to scramble about to get your hands on a few hundred quid. Oh well, never really liked Paris that much anyway.
First time I ever had a gun pulled on me was in gay Paree. We were stood in a bar which was crammed and this guy is trying to sell us drugs. My mate tells him where to go and so he moves on to the next group and then another until he's back to us again. Finally he returns to us and I tell him to fuck off to which he pulls a revolver out. I would have taken a step back but it was so full in this place there was no where to go. Luckily my mate who plays second row blind sided him and knocked him clean out. Another mate bends down and picks the gun up and puts it in his jeans. We then carry on talking as if nothing has happened although everyone else in the bar was starting to give us a wide berth which was cool.
Definately not cool was the Dominican Republic. Went there twenty odd years ago. I think we were on the first chartered flight there from Britain. Place we stayed in was chocker with Prostitutes. Not bad for five scoundrels. After a week though it started to get a bit boring. Finally, my mate and I are in this bar and two girls come over and start chatting away. We immediately ask them if they are on the game. Not many places you can get away with your opening gambit being "are you a pro"? but the Dominican was one of them. Anyhow, they swear they aren't so we have a few drinks and then head off in a taxi to their gaff. My mate and his girl jump out and me and mine get dropped off around the corner at her bedsit. Five minutes later I'm sitting on the bed getting some oral relief when the door opens and my mate walks in. I knew we were in the shit when I spotted the pockets hanging out of his shorts in the universal "no money" language. The girl he's with walks in behind him followed by the biggest, meanest looking guy I've ever seen. He tells us in no uncertain terms that the only way we're fucking his bitches is if we pay for the pleasure. I look down at this girl and ask if she's a pro to which she replies in the affirmative. I look at my mate and tell him I have no money on me. Big mean guy goes beserk screaming in God knows what language. With this another guy walks in and says something to which big mean guy pulls a gun out. The other guy nonchantly pulls an even bigger gun out. The bird my mates with who is wearing a skirt the size of a belt and a vest pulls a gun from fuck knows where and the one I'm with reaches under the bed and pulls another gun. So there's six of us in a room the size of a microwave and four people are waving guns about and screaming at each other, my mate is standing slap bang in the middle of them with a "we're fucked" look on his face and I'm sat on a bed with my shorts around my ankles and my dick the size of an anorexic prawn, thinking "don't let me die like this".
The guy who's not big and mean reaches into his jacket and pulls a badge out and now I'm thinking "don't let me spend the next thirty years in a shithole prison for not paying a pro and being complicit in the murder of a copper".
Finally everyone calms down and the guy with the badge motions to me and my mate to go with him. I pull my shorts up and am out of there quicker than Usain Bolt on speed. We walk around a corner straight into the main street of shanty town central. Just when things couldn't get worse, they did.
I've seen some rough places but this one will live with me forever. I honestly thought I was going to get a bullet in the back of the head and rolled into a ditch to rot for the rest of eternity.
As we're walking up the middle of hell avenue my mate nudges me and nods toward a piece of six by four lying on the roadside. I'm thinking it's a bad idea but better to go down with a fight than roll over and die.
Five yards before we get to this lump of wood a bike pulls up alongside us and this kid asks if we want a ride. Ninety percent of the taxis were bikes when we were there. My mate jumps on and I'm stuck on the back. This kid roars off and I'm sat there with my hands over my ears so that I don't hear the gun being fired. Ten seconds later we're out of the shanty town and can see our hotel about two hundred yards away. We borrow some cash off the receptionist and pay the kid and hit the bar with a vengance. I can honestly say I've never drank so much, so quickly and not felt the slightest bit drunk.
Thinking back to that night, a blown cam belt doesn't sound so bad now.
Sunday, 8 February 2009
There are four key positions in Rugby, hooker, scrum half, outside half and full back. A tight head can play loose head. Second rows can swap. A decent back rower can play all three positions. Centers can interchange as can wings. An open side flanker cannot play scrum half.
Nick Mallet coached South Africa to 17 straight wins so it's fair to say he knows what he is doing. But yesterday, playing Mauro Bergamasco at scrum half must rate as the biggest coaching faux pas ever witnessed on a rugby field. What was truly galling is Bergamasco has played 70 times for Italy and even when they were getting stuffed by every team and their dogs, Bergamasco was one of the few Italians who you could count on to put in a great performance. I just hope he isn't remembered for this one game.
Ireland did France in Croke Park. O'Driscoll proving once again why he's one of the greatest centres in World Rugby. Wales beat Scotland today to start defence of their Grand slam. Shane Williams ran another try in and at 11/10 was one of the betting certs of the weekend to score at anytime.
Looking forward to next weekend and Wales v England. Got my ticket and I don't expect anything other than a comprehensive Welsh win.
Been pissed all weekend so haven't played any poker. In actual fact, done nothing much other than sit in a pub drinking Cider.
In my last post I mentioned that this year was the first time I haven't been to an away match. Well lucky old me. Got offered a seat to France at the end of the month. Haven't told Mrs Rubbish yet, may just ring her when I get there.
Thursday, 5 February 2009
Big thanks to Uk for giving me the nod.
Snowed again today in Cardiff and my Daughters school shut because of 1cm of the white stuff. Pretty pathetic when you consider what happens in other countries. Take this story I read yesterday about the floods happening in Australia:
Local media said huge crocodiles in the centre of some towns around the Gulf of Carpentaria have hampered rescue efforts and large numbers have reportedly been seen swimming towards the 60 km-wide (37-mile) mouth of the flooded Norman River.
Manager of the Albion Hotel in Normanton, Donna Smith, said a four-metre (13ft) crocodile had been seen stalking residents and dogs in the flooded main street.
She also warned the town was expected to run out of beer in two days.
"We can put up with a lot of drama, no fruit and veggies, but nobody wants a pub with no beer," Ms Smith told Brisbane's Courier-Mail newspaper".
Gotta love Aussies haven't you? Crocs roaming the streets but Holy shit, the pubs running out of beer.
Talking of Australia, I seem to have picked up a few readers from there along with one from New Zealand, several fom Germany, Denmark and Sweden, a few from America and one from Cyprus and Israel. If you read this drop us a line and tell us whats happening in your part of the World.
I can tell you what's happening in Wales, Six Nations Rugby. For the first time in eons I'm not going to any of the away games. Not sure how this has happened. I suppose there's still time to pick up a trip to Rome or Paris.
First time I went to Paris I got really pissed on the Friday night. Got back to the Hotel and when I got out of the lift I couldn't find the light switch for the corridor. So it's pitch black and I'm busting for a piss and I can't find my room so I start to have a piss on the carpet whilst walking up the corridor, trying to spread it around and not leave one massive pool. Halfway through and I see some guy at the end of the corridor looking at me so I start to try and explain myself. He doesn't say a word, just staring at me so I continue pissing and start walking towards him. By the time I get to the end of the corridor I realise there's a huge mirror and I've been talking to myself for the last five minutes. Plug was on that trip and when the woman at the airport asked him if he had anything to declare he said "yeah, I've got a huge prick". Probably get pistol whipped if you said that now.
Wednesday, 4 February 2009
Watching Everton V Liverpool on the box has reminded me of a story of a mate of mine who I was away with last weekend. He qualified as a teacher and his first job was with the British Army. He turned up on his first day and was sat in a room with about fifty other teachers. This Sergeant Major type walked in and started calling their names out and off they went to different rooms. Finally, my mate is sat there on his own and this guy sends him off to get his placement. Brunei. So, a couple of days later my mate turns up at the army base in Brunei to teach the servicemens kids. The base commander tells him one of his duties is to arrange the fixtures for the football and rugby teams on the base which my mate is well up for.
Anyhow, his first game in charge for the football team is against the local ice cream factory who were called Aston Vanilla. They turn up at this pitch and there's all these little five foot locals and one huge six foot British centre half. The army won 3-2 with this guy scoring the 2 goals for AV and generally playing a blinder. They are sitting in the bar after and my mate says "I recognise you from somewhere" and this guy says "I used to play a bit of footie my name is Mick Lyons".
Turns out big Mick had taken a job coaching the national team and seen these guys on the side of a road and asked if he could have a game. My mate has stayed in touch with Mick ever since and I've been lucky enough to meet him. Quality guy and a Everton legend.
My same mate came with us on an England V Wales rugby weekend up in Richmond. On the Saturday we're all pissed and my mate pulls this lovely bit of posh totty. She takes him back to her apartment in Chelsea, puts on the full kit and he has a night to remember. Quite a few years later she marries one of the Queens sons much to our enjoyment making Dave a legend in his own right.
My favourite poker playing legend is Punterz on Betfair. Unfortunately, I can't seem to get on his blog to read of his exploits because he's now set it up as invite only. If you read this Punter, let me on.
Pokerwise, lost one buy in last night when my KK on an AAK flop got beat not by one person but two. There had been a big raise to which I called with one other. As soon as I saw the flop I guessed (correctly) that they were both holding Aces so I went all in. They both called and turned over A5 and A4. Turn 7, river 7.
Monday, 2 February 2009
Got to Glasgow about five on Friday evening and booked into Hotel Strangeways. Quick change and fifteen of us jumped over the wall and headed to the nearest pub.
Several Guinness later and we ended up in a bar called Madness http://www.madnesstof.com/. Check the site out. Cracking laugh with the highlight being naked Elvis who did everything it says on the tin. The ladies were quite welcoming as well although yours truly ended up drunkedly tunneling back into our shithole of an hotel to continue his bird.
Saturday started at ten thirty and the buzz circle was in full flow by eleven. Usual rules apply but there was a twist which entailed repeat offenders having to drink a long pour which means downing a pint with their arm entirely straight. Go on, get a pint of water and try it, you know you want to.
After a few hours of this we headed to http://www.thegolflounge.co.uk/. What a brilliant place and with two of the sweetest barmaids I've ever seen. We played Pebble Beach which was cool though putting was quite weird. Quick Chinese and then a pub crawl around the Central Station area. Don't really remember much about Saturday night other than I froze my bollocks off and was in danger of pulling a bird Plug would have been proud of before coming to my senses and speed wobbling home. It was so cold in the last bar I was in a penguin walked in. He walked up to the barman and said "has my brother been in"? The barman looked at him and asked "what's he look like"?
Sunday was strange. Sat in a bar about eleven ish having breakfast and the barmaid reckoned we couldn't have a beer until twelve thirty. As we were flying at three we headed to the airport and drank in the departure lounge whilst watching Nadal V Fed. Few more Guinness back in Cardiff and then home to die.
Funniest thing happened early on the Saturday evening. We were in this really rough pub and there were these three guys drinking at the bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points to the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your Mom's the best lay in town!" We were all thinking wow but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders up to the end of the bar. Ten minutes later the drunk comes back, points to the same guy and says, "I just screwed your mom and it was really sw-e-et!" I'm thinking fucking hell but again the guy refuses to take the bait and the drunk wanders off. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom even let me stick it up her arse. Finally the guy interrupts, "Go home, Dad---you're pissed again!"